I know I made promises. I...I can't keep them. I love this country, but things are so difficult.

I'm leaving.


So...this is good bye Japan.

I need to replace the engine? Are you fucking kidding me? I don't have that kind of money!! Fenrir's engine blew out the other day and I don't have any parts. Nor do I have a full engine to replace it with. I'm not buying one, because everything Fenrir is, I built...and looking at some parts...What the hell?Junk yard didn't help either.

I'll get it done because she's in no way the kind of gal that'd just sit back. There's still so many roads we haven't concured!

OSSU!

Work was incredibley boring. I think...think I was given a post, but I ended up wandering around. Found a practise room, not sure if I was allowed to go in. But I did anyway. Shooting practise didn't appeal, but I found a...bamboo cane. Yes, yes I know it sounds pathetic. It was the closest thing to a blade I could find.

It felt good. I should get back into practising with a blade again.

Had to call out a plumber. Had to make it an emergency. I'm not very good with DIY. Got drenched in a jet of damn cold water. And can't ever shower to make myself feel better.

I hate America. I hate jet-lag. I hate how everyone is freaking out. I hate drama.

I hate hangovers.

Fuck off world.

Things just get worse.

I'm not right in the head, and apparently emotionally unresponsive. Oh and I've to see a psychologist again. Great.

It's good not being alone again.

[Private]

Just hope I never have to feel alone again.

.........Well shit.

I had a horrible nightmare. There was blood everywhere. Women and children screaming, running, only to be shot dead. There was fire, and the stench of death was just clinging to the air. Oh God it was horrible! But it felt so real, I could feel the fire. I could feel the bullets wizzing by.

I miss Tifa...I miss Denzel and Zack. Fuck I just want to see everyone again. I don't like being alone anymore. I don't like feeling helpless. I don't like these spells of forgetting things that have happened! I don't like not knowing...knowing me!

You left me. You left me all alone. You promised to be there, always...I don't feel you here.

I miss your stupid happy laugh. I miss your dorky confused expression. I miss seeing you being more childish than I was suppose to be. I miss you protecting me, even though I didn't know you were. I miss you when you were serious. I miss your comforting touch. I miss how animated you could be.

I fucking miss you!!

Please don't leave me...please stay with me forever.

Current Music: Why - Ayaka

It's been a year since my complete breakdown. Well...A year since I realised...things weren't right. It's been a year since I was reported MIA. For a whole year, I've been avoiding anyone to do with the army. I can't afford it. I don't want to be caught and taken back, getting charged, or court marshaled. -Sigh.-

It's been a year, that I've been doing lame, shit paying odd jobs just to get by. I'm sure if I was still doing morning inspections, I'd be sent to the doctor about my weight. I'm so hungry, but I don't have anything substantial to eat. Infact, I'm pretty sure I only have a banana...

Oh well, I can't complain as I'm now a free man. Bound by no rules.

Anyone got an odd job they need doing? The more complicated, the better. Nice pay would be good.